Last post

 

This is my last blog post because I don’t feel that God has anything left for me to share through written words for now–I’ve been called to connect to real people in a real way every day. As an introvert, writing a blog was a great opportunity to speak my peace without any confrontation and little interactions. I wish I had a penny for every person who told me that they knew exactly how I felt because they had been through divorce or the lost of a parent…. this is my last blog entry because I realize that God just wants me to live now. I understand that people want to feel connected or to try and empathize with you, but nothing comes close to losing the person you shared more than twenty years of your life with. I have had the opportunity to create a new life and I am walking this life one day at a time. Friends and family that continued to love me and our kids, please keep keepin’ on and know how very much we love you!

When Jeff was sick and soon after we lost him, people shared their feelings. But, most everyone has moved on. At first, this made me a little angry but I realize now that God wants all of us to move on–we cannot live in the past; however, for those of us that worry about our lifetime partner being forgotten, this is a challenge. I’ve read quite a few widow books and have repeatedly sought comfort from others, but it hasn’t helped. Once Jeff’s friends began pretending they didn’t know who I was at church, I had to make some difficult choices. Because God knows what I needed and, whether or not we realize it, He gives us a new hope–my church opened a new campus and I went there. Still, life didn’t stop and notice me. One of our pastors shared a message about going first this Sunday and this coincided with me hearing God tell me to step beyond my comfort zone and make friends. Our new campus began a weekly women’s group and I am meeting the sweetest friends and also solidifying precious friendships that never faded. We must release our offenses and step out into the new path God has for us–I don’t really know anyone who has been through what the kids and I have been through, except for the Friend family, and there is no map. We continue to seek seek Godly counsel because there are so many extremely difficult feelings/images/memories to process, but we also continue to delight in the knowledge that Jeff is with the One who loves him most and Jesus has never left our sides.

The people that still care about me and my kids are the people that cared about us before he died. And even those people go on with their lives. Who am I left with? My sweet Mom, my amazing kids, and some precious friends and family that never stopped loving us. And, He loves us so much that He gives us precious new friends to delight in–ask me about our new Karaoke obsession and the joyful times I’ve spent with Austin and Shelby’s friends and our wonderful travels in the past year and a half!

The rest of my life depends on my willingness to surrender to Jesus and become less of me so He becomes greater. I think writing a blog was a preparation for real life where I believe God wants me to talk to real people who can talk back to me and ask me for help and I can ask for help from them. Working on the tattoo I have planned for tomorrow, I’m leaning toward a line from Hillsong United’s “Oceans,” but I haven’t decided which one. God called me out on the waters where my feet certainly failed, but He never let me go and every time I called on His name He showed up. He still does, but I don’t believe I’m meant to hide behind the written word any longer. Lord, make me brave and give me Your strength to stretch my heart to real people that need you. Thank you for your love and support. I’m good because I have Him.

6 thoughts on “Last post

  1. Tim Turney says:

    I love you guys. You have always been an inspiration for me, your wisdom and love are very unique in this world. You will be successful in any area God places you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jayne Brannon Lybrand says:

    Your wisdom astounds me! It always has. Yes it’s time to put down the writing a wonderful way to boldly say how you feel.. it shocks me at times how straight and honest your comments have been.. rise up and walk… see and hear people.. be loved for who you are today… not only for what you have gone through. A fresh page.. new friends to talk , listen and connect with..
    I pray I can be bolder when I talk with you.. my personal confidence has been injured but you tell me I can do it! Simple things.. business I’m in control I love what I’ve been called to do.
    I’ve never been so proud of you… never swallow your feelings.. speak with candor blended with a kind spirit… and soar like the eagle you have always been!!!
    Thank you Jesus for my daughter.. my heart akways! I never knew anyone could mean so much to me.. I was so young when you were born.. I actually rocked you in amtge sane rocking chair you have made so beautiful in your bedroom .. I thought you would never come.. so I held my tummy and drank warm chocolate milk out of your baby bottles I wanted you so much . Stand tall.. walk with purpose.. listen with caring and speak with words of bold truth and love and laugh every second of every minute. I enjoy you and Austin and Shelby now grown more than when you all were babies.. my happiest place is singing together, praising Hesus together and being who we are and being accepted that way! I see a white dove on a mountain take flight! So much ahead.. may the past memories keep you warm and May the present you make you see your destiny ! Free.. no strict judgement but be free in your own soul and be free in our Lord!
    I remember being just you and me… I would hold you on my tummy and sob myself to sleep .. afraid if every new decision I must make alone ..
    I still need so many hugs.. to store up.. but seeing you know so bursting with joy let’s me know it’s your time to live again as you!
    Writing is a catharsis without repercussions …. but living is the real stuff we were born to do. Go to that high mountain and keep looking up! When we are all together my heart bubbles over with so much joy my eyes tear.. what a great woman iof character, talent and sincere faith in Jesus you have become.. I always told you to bite the joy!! You know what this means now! Thank you for loving me… Momma

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Angel says:

    I hope you know that you have a gift with the written word and if it’s not a blog that you continue to write for yourself or possibly a book. I think you could share your story and comfort others with your unique experience. Fill in the gap.
    Your reflections are beautifully written and so candid. Keep on blessing people just by being Elizabeth.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ashley Black says:

    Beautiful! I am sorry for the pain caused by people in the last two years. We are so lacking in our ability to walk alongside grief. So often, for fear of saying the wrong thing, we say nothing at all. And no one truly understands another’s experience. We can only comfort others with the comfort we have received from The Comforter. You are precious and amazing and have an incredible life ahead of you! Jeff would be so proud of this blog post and the ways that you have forged a new life for yourself while remembering and treasuring him.
    I wrote this scripture in my prayer journal yesterday. It is helpful to me. Maybe it will speak to your heart also.
    James 5:11 As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. ritalinch says:

    You are such an amazing woman! I love your heart for sharing during your loss of Jeff when you didn’t have to let anyone in. Your words have been so powerful to so many and I pray blessings on your new journey. Love-Rita

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s